I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
