apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
