All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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