hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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