Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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