yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
