Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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