It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
