he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
