This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
