You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
