i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
