I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
