Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
