I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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