I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
