New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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