oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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