its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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