i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
