I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
