Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
