This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
