Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
