Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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