maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
