I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
