I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
