so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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