Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
