to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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