You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
