i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
