Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
