OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
