i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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