I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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