I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
