unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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