I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
