i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
