i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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