ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
