i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
