You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
