just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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