She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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