his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
