I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
