This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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